Painting Film

Releasing Angst

So for the past couple of months, off and on, I’ve been editing a mini-documentary about painting. Almost every session in my old studio, I shot a scene or two and now all the footage is edited and neatly placed on the timeline in Final Cut Pro. The background music is on the audio track and the stuff I want to say has been spellchecked.

For some reason, I’ve been feeling a little angst about publishing this five-minute film. It might be that I want to savor the experience a little more. Perhaps I’m feeling anxious about what the next project will be. Not that I don’t have umpteen other projects in the queue…

Maybe it’s just simply that since this particular project sums up my transition to, or, return of expressing myself creatively through painting, I’m being unusually sensitive about how it will be perceived. Is there no end to this engulfing self-consciousness?

I'm a dog lover

Dogs in My Life

Since Lennart passed away last year, we’ve been dog-less. And even though Len and I never really clicked, there were a few precious moments in his puppy years when we both felt some kind of affection for each other. Or, maybe it was just respect.

As tumultuous as it was, a dog was always present during my childhood. The first one, Coco, was a beautiful German Shepard that once literally saved my life by gently pulling the inflatable raft I was on back to shore while a current was drawing me out to sea in Malibu.

The second dog in my life was the beagle Ingo, my grandfather Eskil’s stinky hunting companion. Third was Todo, a troubled black Belgian Shepard that relocated to friends in Thousand Oaks, north of L.A. when I moved to Europe in 1978.

Torsten was Charlotte and my first dog, a cute and photogenic Miniature Schnauzer with very little personality. As our work-related travels intensified, Torsten had to be adopted by Charlotte’s parents. Our second dog was Palma, a beautiful Standard Schnauzer now 14 and living the rest of her remaining days with her adopted family near Göteborg.

At some point in the autumn days of my life, I hope to settle down somewhere and once again embrace the love and affection one receives from our furry, four-legged friends.

The dog above was included in the book I produced for HSB Turning Torso to commemorate the skyscraper’s 10-year anniversary.

Kappabashi

Kappabashi Painting

I may or may not have mentioned my infatuation with Tokyo’s Kappabashi Street or “Kitchen Town” here before. I probably have. Anyway, it’s called “Kitchen Town” because on both sides of an 800 meter short street called Kappabashi, you’ll find just about everything and anything related to restaurant equipment and food preparation, including two of this neighborhood’s main attractions: serious chef knives and hyperrealistic fake food. However, the vast majority of the close to 200 shops on the street mostly sell kitchenware, cookware and tableware.

Kappabashi is located near the Asakusa (浅草) district in Taitō Tokyo. Among most tourists, the area’s draw is the famous Sensoji, a very popular Buddhist temple.

I’ve spent several hours wandering up and down Kappabashi during my two visits to the Japanese capital and when I return one day, I’m sure I’ll once again dedicate some time there.

What Kappabashi means is somewhat disputed. It could be a derivative of the Portuguese word “capa”, which in turn is Latin for “cape”, as in what Darth Vader and Batman wear. But “kappa” could apparently also be an ancient word for a mythological, amphibious humanoid that lives by Japan’s rivers.

So infatuated with Kappabashi was I that I decided to create the above 50 x 60 cm acrylic painting.  

Final Cut Project

Final Cut Film Project

I’m currently finishing a film project with the footage captured at the studio space I rented this past spring. I’m aiming for it to be completed and published here and elsewhere by the beginning of next week.

Moving on from here

Moving Forward

Accept, embrace, own, and move on. That’s my new mantra and approach to this sixth decade. I’m going to focus on the important creative stuff and navigate away from shallow distractions of which there have been far too many.

I am going to paint, write and travel more with the overriding goal of cranking up real-time life experiences. And instead of incessantly and superfluously sharing what I photograph, I intend to integrate the aggregate of what all my senses record into the flow of my creative output. Whatever the fuck that means.

How I spent my birthday

How I Spent My Birthday

After enjoying the family’s traditional birthday Champagne and strawberries in bed, the girls served up a tasty English breakfast, complete with baked beans, toast, sausages, eggs, and a decent brew of coffee.

Since the rain was pouring down, I went back to bed and took a long midday nap until it was time to go see Chris Nolan’s new epic film “Oppenheimer”.

I knew about the rave reviews but was still blown away by how riveting the storyline turned out to be and how excellent Cillian Murphy, Robert Downey Jr, Emily Blunt, and Rami Malek were in their roles. Brilliant casting.

I’m suffering from a little Matt Damon fatigue, but his acting was nevertheless solid. Had totally forgotten that Gary Oldman, Kenneth Branagh, and Gustaf Skarsgård were also in this explosive movie.

After dinner, we ate a tasty, traditional British dinner at a pub housed in a hotel overlooking a cove where surfers were taking advantage of the evening’s last few swells.

As I’ve begun seeing it, being 60 is a privilege. When I was born in 1963, the average life expectancy of a man was just 66.6 years.

Today, it’s 81. But what’s even more important than living a long life is filling it with stuff that makes it worth living. Like family and friends. And today, my family (and my friends) celebrated me royally. So thankful. Especially for the many thoughtful presents I received from Charlotte, Elle and her grandparents, Allan and Agneta.

Birth certificate Joakim Lloyd Raboff

Life After 60

Well, I made it. It’s life after 60 from here on. I’m going to own it and then forget about it. It’s just a number (my new mantra). Here are a few questionably interesting milestones that I’ve apparently passed from the moment I was born at 5:55 pm on July 22, 1963, at Saint John’s Hospital in Santa Monica, CA.

• Years: 60
• Months: 720
• Weeks: 3,130
• Days: 21,915
• Hours: 525,960
• Minutes: 31,557,600
• Seconds: 1,893,456,000
• Heartbeats: ≈ 2,000,000
• Breaths taken: ≈ 505,000,000
• Dog Years: 253 🎉

New amazon book: Re:Surfaced

New Amazon book: Re:Surfaced

Re:Surfaced, my third art book (fourth if you count The Art of Penile Photography written under the pseudonym Sebastian T. Armstrong) is now available on Amazon. Having my books available on Amazon is interesting in a couple of ways. My books will hopefully be orderable long after I’ve checked out, so there’s a legacy aspect to the process. And though they are probably not going to reach any best-seller lists, in the long run, they may help supplement my meager retirement plan.

into the wave

Surfing at Fistral Beach

Yesterday, I surfed the waves at the classic Fistral Beach, south of Newquay here in Cornwall. What became immediately clear to me was that I raised the average age among the surfers around me by at least 3.5 decades. Which was totally fine since it turned out that I still caught the most waves with my 9ft longboard. At the doorstep of 60, anything shorter and it would probably not have been nearly as fun yesterday.

After a few intense hours in the Atlantic, knee and arm exhaustion inevitably set in. A bit hard of hearing from all the water in my ears, but euphorically happy, I finally gave up and staggered up the beach with the board firmly clutched under my right arm. After maneuvering through what seemed like hundreds of English holiday-making families with their colorful tents, fluttering windbreakers, and shrieking kids, I finally reached the surf shop. At that point, I was so physically depleted, that it felt like I needed a defibrillator. I settled for an ice-cold beer instead.

Like a Houdini, I eventually wriggled out of the waterlogged wetsuit and promised myself that after this trip, I’ll only surf in warmer latitudes. Today, I’ll head for the waves at Watergate Bay.

Today would have been Brother Tyko’s 56th birthday. I’ve created a memorial page for him here.

Lockers Newquay

Open & Closed

These old but beautifully aged lockers sit right above the beach near our Airbnb. I like the visual metaphor they represent for this post.

The forcefully shifting tide here in Newquay is not to be messed with. Visually, it’s kinda mind-blowing. Within just a few afternoon hours, what was once a wide, totally packed, sandy beach with hundreds of people, families and an over-abundance of screaming kids, is completely reclaimed by the unyielding Atlantic Ocean. There’s a metaphor to be had in this ebb and flow-thing. But I can’t seem to formulate it without sounding melodramatic.

Getting older.

There’s a lot of fortune cookie wisdom out there with regards to aging. I’ve been reading some of it, and recently, I ingested a piece about how it’s really important to understand that life is constantly evolving, and that as we age, it’s healthy to summarize and appreciate one’s accomplishments, let go of some expectations, accept failures and embrace the physical, mental and emotional changes that inevitably follow with getting older.

In addition to coming to grips with entering my sixth decade, I definitely need to work on accepting my own imperfections and retiring pretentiousness and relaxing unrealistic goals. I might be delusional, but it does feel like I’m getting better at not denying tangible changes in this new era of my life. Not denying is obviously not the same as accepting…but it’s a beginning.

I know all too well that failures are a natural part of life’s journey and that we learn and grow from our blunders and bungles. But because I’ve long had unreasonably high expectations of what I believe is accomplishable, often setting aside (or, just denying) physical, mental, or emotional impediments, it could at times be really hard to accept when flops, fiascos, and fuckups occasionally stared me in the eye.

Historically, when this happened, I would either deflect responsibility when confronted with defeat or, just distract myself as quickly as possible until I was able to move on to the next challenge. If anything, I certainly have an incredible knack for distracting myself. A cocktail of OCD and ADHD? Probably.

Perhaps I’ve been using this “methodology” to even out, or,  conceal the life-long ebb and flow of my self-confidence and self-esteem. Maybe at 60, it’s finally time to be less competitive, less obsessive and more reflective. Maybe now, participation is the name of the game. Not trying to conceal shortcomings by taking on exhaustive challenges and crazy-ass moonshots might just make life after 60 more stable, interesting and memorable.

Newquay hiking

59 and Counting

The idea of turning 60 on Saturday is slowly settling in. After all, it’s just a friggin’ number, right? And numbers are petty much just made up to keep track of stuff like days, months and years.

The other day, I got an email from a 103-year-old friend of the family in L.A. That kinda put my six-decade short life into a more palatable perspective. And the other day, Esther, my 90-year-old great aunt and cherished pen pal (we communicate mostly via iMessage/SMS) told me not to worry as 60 is now the new 30.

Photo: Charlotte Raboff

Newquay's ebb and flow

Newquay’s Ebb & Flow

Here’s a view of a private islet just off the coast of Newquay. During much of the day, it’s surrounded by sand and not the sea. Apparently, the difference between low and high tide here is on average an astonishing 6.3 meters (≈ 20ft)!

Yesterday, we visited an ancient fishing village north of Newquay called Padstow which was super busy with mostly domestic tourists accompanied by a wide variety of dogs. Cornwall seems to be one of the most dog-friendly destinations I’ve ever been to.

Newquay Harbour view

Newquay in Cornwall

After a mostly smooth train ride through an absolutely gorgeous English countryside, we arrived late yesterday afternoon in the picturesque village of Newquay, Cornwall.

Crispy Fish and Chips

British Comfort Food: Fish-n-Chips

Like most countries, England has its fair share of craving-worthy comfort foods. Yesterday evening, a few hours after arriving in the UK for the first time in five years and almost like a rite of passage – yet considerably less ceremonious – Charlotte, Elle, and I happily devoured a huge portion of crispy, fluffily fried fish-n-chips each at a local Paddington corner pub.

Now while the fried texture of the aforementioned vertebrate was far beyond reproach, the fish itself was utterly tasteless and in desperate need of some heavy-handed help in order to reach at least a reasonable level of edibility.

So, with the aid of several table-side condiments, including salt, pepper, several generous squirts of vinegar, and a dab of mayo, the fish dish turned out pretty darn good. Especially with a pint.

Camden Town

Camden Town

We arrived earlier today at Stansted, one of London’s four (!) international airports. Shortly after checking in to the aparthotel, we headed to Regent Park and then straight to Camden  Town, the birthplace of Charles Dickens and George Bernard Shaw.

I hadn’t been to the borough for more than 40 years and so I barely recognized myself. In 1983, I vividly remember walking aimlessly around Camden Market on a sunny afternoon in July and at some point buying a soave, suede jacket off a sidewalk rack in front of a local tailor.

The original market is no more and has been “replaced” with more or less the same lineup of uninteresting shops and chain stores as anywhere else in the city. Only a fraction, a mere hint of Camden’s edginess remains.

Fortunately, many of the beautiful old residential brick buildings and factory structures along the canal are still standing. So even if I sound a tad disheartened for the loss of the old Camden vibe, the visit was nonetheless worth it. 

Cadillac Bel Air 1957

Vintage Americans

I’ve always been fascinated with the love some Swedes have for all things Americana. Especially in rural Sweden where vintage 1950s and 1960s cars made in Detroit are a common site. It’s Elvis, Marilyn, Rock n’ Roll, burgers, fries with an ice-cold Root Beer, please. I’ve heard from someone that as spares for these old clunkers have become scarcer and scarcer, some thrifty and technically gifted Swedes are even manufacturing and exporting vintage car parts to the USA.

Today, on our way to see friends in Båstad, we drove past a caravan of beautifully restored and maintained Fords, Buicks, Pontiacs, and Caddies, like the above gorgeous Chevrolet Bel Air from 1955. These cars warm my (American) heart. I can’t think of a single modern-day car that comes even close aesthetically. The last time I saw so many antique American vehicles was in Havana several years ago.

Putting the final touches to the new book "Re:Surfaced".

New Book: Final Touches & Tweaks

Creating a book is both hard work and a lot of fun. I’m putting the final touches and adding a few last-minute tweaks to my 22nd book today.

And even after so many book projects, there still is a great deal of angst involved in my process. Just like with all the other stuff I create, there are thousands of small, medium, and large decisions that have to be made. At some point, it’s inevitable that I experience “decision fatigue”.

Of the book projects I’ve worked on for clients and our own little “publishing house”, this new book feels like it’s unusually close to heart. Finishing the Re:Surfaced project with a book feels so apt.

I have a bunch of other book projects in the works and hope to spend my time this fall creating a few more before the year’s end.

The Sunset of Swedish Neutrality

The Sunset of Swedish Neutrality

Shot this a while ago during either a pre-storm och post-storm sunset. I love Sweden. I love Scandinavia. It’s an incredibly beautiful part of the world where most people are kind, thoughtful, and sensible. Folks are for the most part trustworthy and soft-spoken. But make no mistake about the region’s traditions when it comes to making and selling some really nasty weaponry. I’ve even read somewhere that Swedes were the original Soldiers of Fortune during the Viking era – among other places in today’s Istanbul, no less.

In 2021, Sweden exported weapons and related material to the tune of SEK48 billion/USD 4 billion. Fact is, this ancient country in northern Europe is the 13th largest exporter of military stuff in the world.

So it seems clear now that Sweden’s going to be allowed to join NATO soon. If for no other reason, I think becoming a member will at least put an end to the country’s long-running history of hypocrisy.

Maintaining its neutrality yet exporting deadly weapons to undemocratic nations, with dubious regime leaders has been a part of Sweden’s signature opportunism and a shameful double standard since at least WWII. Winston Churchill once stoutly stated: “Sweden ignored the greater moral issues of the war and played both sides for profit”.

It’s pathetic that in 2023 we still haven’t figured out a way to agree that we sometimes disagree without having to go to war about it. Personally, I think there’s just way too much male testosterone in the bloodstreams of the men in charge. Especially older men that are either trying (at any price) to make it into the history books before they croak or, believe that they’re God’s gift to mankind and can do no wrong, especially if it means they get to line their pockets in the process.

Tre Amigos

Indian & Tre Amigos

Enjoyed a nice meal at Konstrast, our local Indian restaurant, last night with Michael and Thomas, two buddies from the neighborhood. After 10-12 visits, I can say with some authority that this is by far the best Indian restaurant I’ve been to outside of Asia.

Unfortunately, I don’t eat curry frequently enough to not have a volcanic reaction the next day. Interestingly, whenever I’m in India or anywhere else in Asia, I rarely have any digestive issues after eaten spicy food.

Healthy Eating

Creating Food

I moved to my own apartment when I was just barely 18 years old. I was the first of all my Swedish friends and so, I had to learn how to cook. Warming up TV dinners was as close to cooking my mother ever got to making homemade meals. Yet somehow, I discovered that preparing and presenting food was fun stuff.

Around the time when I moved from my aunt Lillemor, I eventually found work as a short-order cook frying frozen steaks, flipping burgers, and soaking fries in oil at an all-night diner on the Aveny, the main drag in Göteborg. It was relatively honest work and I stayed there for about a year.

My second cooking gig was significantly more advanced. I worked in a proper kitchen at a place called Jazzhuset (also in Göteborg) where a variety of bands performed New Orleans tunes three or four nights a week. To this day, I’m perfectly fine if I never ever again hear “When the Saints Go Marching In”.

Anyway, in the kitchen at Jazzhuset, I learned a bunch about cooking and above all, worked under a few chefs that encouraged me to experiment, just as long as I didn’t poison guests or staff.

Charlotte’s not very fond of making food, so, for the past 27 years, I’ve had the privilege of making our meals. I’m no foodie by any stretch of the imagination. Instead, I prefer classic, comfort dishes but with a twist, and above all, I really enjoy the process of making and presenting our meals. Particularly if ingredients are limited. That’s when my creativity really kicks in. I rarely follow recipes.

The above image is from last night’s sumptuous salad: chopped romaine, diced cabbage, a few wedges of avocado, some cubes of feta cheese, a dozen or so carrot wheels, and several wafer-thin slices of spring onion. I then doused everything with a vinaigrette made from Greek olive oil, fresh lime juice, a few dashes of apple cider vinegar, crushed garlic, some sea salt, and a pinch of wonderfully numbing Seschuan pepper. Protein: parmesan salmon baked in sesame seed oil.