Trump Torso vs Turning Trump

Here’s a mind game I’ve been playing for a while: if Donald J. Trump bought Turning Torso, would he call it, Trump Torso or Turning Trump?

Of course, we all know he’d change the name to extend the reach of his dubious brand all the way to lil’ Malmö, where, at least to my somewhat limited knowledge of the realty business, he currently has no properties. And after what would unavoidably be a strenuous purchasing process, then renaming the building, the Turning Torso’s facade would be outfitted with a huge vertical logo and finally, sprayed with a thin layer of shiny gold paint.

The Donald would also make a few modifications inside his new acquisition. I can easily see how an elaborate mix of faux antique chandeliers, richly ornamented chairs, tables and mirrors – mostly in neo-Baroque and Rococo styles – would replace today’s more minimalist approach in the lobby.

Each of the three elevators would receive special treatment with wall-to-wall LCD panels featuring supercuts from all of The Donald’s political speeches, segments from The Apprentice and commercials promoting other properties, you know, that bear his name.

The 53rd and 54th floors, where Sky High Meetings, Sweden’s highest conference facility resides today, would be converted into a giant, two story condo where the growing Trump family and their friends would live during visits to Scandinavia. And finally, on top of the Turning Trump or Trump Torso, a large tongue of sorts would be fitted to work as a helipad for those extremely rare occasions when Donald J. Trump and his entourage wants to arrive or depart Malmö without having to risk sharing elevator rides with ordinary folks.

Fortunately, the likelihood of one of my all-time favorite buildings being sold to Donald J. Trump is pretty slim. Not only is Malmö probably way off of his radar screen, but I feel confident that it’s only a matter of time before the Turning Torso is declared a cultural landmark – which would disallow any significant changes to the original design.