I am adjusting from being enveloped in color to being submerged in a sea of grey. From feeling humid heat warm my skin to protecting it from a dry, windy cold. I see expressionlessness and frowns where I just a few days ago was met with genuine smiles and curiosity.
At the sports center this morning, a gym friend asked me where I had gone for the last few months. I don’t think I was missed, but since I’d been away for a while, there was some interest as to where I had gone.
After explaining about our trip with for the early morning hour a throttled level of enthusiasm and detail, I asked how their life had been. I was told that one parent had recently and abruptly died which of course made me feel guilty and sad. I gave a hug and moved on to the next machine, determined to not let the exchange with my gym friend darken an already dark, dreary morning.
But I could feel how recently formed neural pathways in my brain were shutting down and how it was busy re-wiring, adjusting to a less colorful, warm, and happy existence… for a while.